STOP THE PRESSES! DROP EVERYTHING—THIS STORY WILL HAUNT YOUR TASTE BUDS!
MAIN TITLE: TERROR ON THE PLATE! THE NIGHTMARE NO ONE EXPECTED: CUSTOMER DISCOVERS HUMAN ANUS IN HIS BIRRIA BROTH AT A POPULAR CITY RESTAURANT. A SANITARY HORROR BEHIND THE SCENES EXPOSED!
SHOCKING SUBTITLE: That headline you saw on your phone and laughed off? It was no joke. The dreaded “…Read more” hid one of the most revolting and disturbing stories of the year. After this, you’ll never look at a taco the same way. (Yes, sarcasm included.)
MEXICO CITY — If you think you’ve seen it all in this concrete jungle, think again. Street tacos and traffic-induced nausea were minor inconveniences compared to this. Reality, cruel as ever, has outdone fiction in grotesque fashion.
We all got the notification on our phones: “Man finds anus in restaurant food…See more”. Most of us dismissed it as clickbait—probably a miscut piece of tripe, we thought. HUGE MISTAKE. Curiosity won, and when we clicked “See more,” we entered culinary hell.
CHRONICLE OF A FORETOLD VOMIT
It all began yesterday, around 3:00 p.m.—prime lunch hour for office workers. The scene: “Birria y Consomé ‘El Sabor del Abuelo’”, a small, packed restaurant in Cuauhtémoc, famous for generous portions at low prices.
Don Chema, a 55-year-old taxi driver whose stomach had endured a day of relentless traffic, ordered his usual: “A big plate of assorted birria, with plenty of broth, onions, cilantro, and a squeeze of lime.”
When the waiter brought the steaming plate, Don Chema eagerly dipped his tortilla into the broth. “Delicious!” he thought. The meat was tender—well, most of it.
Midway through the meal, he encountered something strange: a chewy, elastic bite unlike the fibrous goat meat or tender fat he expected. He tried to chew it, but it resisted. Curious, he picked it up, wiped off the broth, and examined it on a napkin.
And then… silence.
What he saw defied belief. It wasn’t meat. It wasn’t a tendon. It was a ring of wrinkled, dark-brown flesh with radial folds. Small, yes, but unmistakably anatomical.
Don Chema, who had once worked at a funeral home, recognized it immediately.
— “HOLY SHIT! WHAT IS THIS?!” he yelled, throwing the plate to the floor. The red broth splashed onto a nearby diner. Mid-aisle, he vomited violently, a scene straight out of The Exorcist.
RUMORS AT “EL SABOR DEL ABUELO”
His scream and retching drew attention. The restaurant owner, Don Braulio, appeared, apron stained, knife in hand:
— “What is this scandal? You’re scaring customers!”
Don Chema, pale and trembling, pointed at the napkin.
— “Look at this! That’s a human ass in my birria!”
Customers panicked—one fainted, another started filming for TikTok. Don Braulio tried to seize the napkin, but Don Chema held fast:
— “The cops are taking this! You’re sick!”
Within minutes, police and sanitary inspectors arrived.
THE TRUTH: A CLINIC OF TERROR
Forensic experts confirmed the unthinkable: it was indeed a human external anal sphincter.
Investigators traced the source: directly above the restaurant, on the second floor, operated a clandestine cosmetic clinic, run by a “doctor” who was actually a failed veterinarian. The clinic performed illegal surgeries at suspiciously low prices.
The theory: a patient had undergone hemorrhoid or reconstructive surgery. Instead of proper disposal, the biological waste was thrown into the building’s regular sewer. Rotten plumbing leaked the tissue into the restaurant kitchen ceiling, and it fell—directly into the simmering birria pot.
THE OUTCOME: TRAUMA AND CLOSURE
The restaurant was immediately shut down with official health seals. The illegal clinic was dismantled, and the fake doctor is now in custody.
Don Chema, traumatized, says he can’t even look at a Cheerio without gagging. He’s vowed to stick to grass—like a cow.
Lesson learned: always be cautious about what you eat. If a taco seems too cheap, be suspicious. In this city, your meal could be a divine delicacy—or a horrifying trip into human biology.
Enjoy your next taco… if you can.