1. The Distracted Priest
A priest once offered a nun a ride back to the convent. She accepted and stepped into the car. As she crossed her legs, the edge of her gown slipped slightly, revealing part of her leg.
The sight distracted the priest so badly he nearly lost control of the car. He managed to compose himself but couldn’t shake temptation. His hand began to wander.
Calmly, the nun said,
“Father, remember Psalm 129?”
Embarrassed, he pulled his hand back. But it wandered again. She repeated,
“Father, remember Psalm 129?”
Finally, when they arrived, she sighed and walked away. Curious, the priest checked the Bible:
“Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral: Knowledge can turn temptation into opportunity—if only you pay attention.
2. Johnny and the Wagon
Little Johnny wanted to take all his belongings to his dad’s house, so he stuffed everything into a small red wagon and began pulling it up a hill.
Straining and muttering, “This damn thing is so heavy!” he drew the attention of a passing priest.
“You shouldn’t swear, young man. God hears you everywhere,” said the priest.
Johnny looked at his wagon and asked seriously,
“Is He in my wagon too?”
“Yes, even there,” nodded the priest.
Johnny sighed and said,
“Well then, tell Him to get the hell out and start pulling!”
3. Luigi’s 50-Year Secret
At Saint Mary’s Catholic Church, Luigi was asked to share the secret of his 50-year marriage.
“I always treated her well, spent money on her, kept her happy. But the best? I took her to Italy for our 20th anniversary,” he said proudly.
The priest asked about the 50th. Luigi grinned:
“This time? I’m gonna go get her.”
4. Romi’s Sister
Romi came to the doctor, worried.
“Doctor, my sister thinks she’s a lift,” he said.
“Bring her in,” said the doctor calmly.
“She doesn’t stop at this floor,” Romi explained.
5. The Forgetful Barber
A barber was cutting a customer’s hair when he sneezed and accidentally shaved a small patch of hair off the side of the man’s head.
“Oh no!” he said. “Don’t worry,” replied the customer, “my wife will never notice.”
When he got home, his wife asked,
“Why does your head look like a map of Italy?”
6. The Talking Dog
A man walked into a talent agent’s office with a dog.
“Can your dog talk?” the agent asked.
The man nodded. “Go ahead, Fido.”
The dog said, “I’ve traveled the world, saved people from fires, and even helped in a police investigation.”
The agent was impressed. “Why on earth are you here?”
The man shrugged: “He’s lying. He didn’t do any of that.”
7. The Forgetful Student
A student was late for class every day.
The teacher asked, “Why are you always late?”
The student replied, “Because of the early bell. It always rings before I get here.”
8. The Generous Thief
A thief broke into a house at night but found the homeowner awake.
“Don’t call the police!” he begged.
The homeowner laughed: “I wouldn’t. I’m poor, too.”
The thief looked shocked: “Really?”
“Yes,” said the homeowner. “So we’re in this together. Let’s split what little we have.”
9. The Cow in Class
A schoolteacher asked, “Why is the cow in the classroom?”
The student replied, “Because the bell rang and it wanted a head start to recess.”
10. Grandpa’s Glasses
An old man went to buy glasses.
The shopkeeper asked, “Do you want reading glasses or distance glasses?”
Grandpa replied, “Both. I want to see my kids when they’re near, and my bank account when it’s far away.”
11. The Forgetful Chef
A chef burnt the soup again.
Customer: “Why is it burnt?”
Chef: “I was trying to make a smoky flavor.”
Customer: “But you overdid it!”
Chef: “Exactly. Now it’s extreme smoky flavor.”
12. The Honest Politician
A politician stood at a podium and said,
“I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”
The crowd cheered.
A child whispered, “Does he know what that is?”
13. The Lazy Student
A student came to school without homework.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you do your homework?”
Student: “I did. I just haven’t found it yet.”
14. The Talking Parrot
A man bought a parrot that could supposedly talk.
He asked, “What’s your name?”
The parrot replied, “I don’t talk to strangers.”
15. The Wise Monk
A young monk asked an elder, “What is the secret to enlightenment?”
The elder replied, “It’s simple. Stop thinking so much.”
The young monk: “That’s it?”
Elder: “Yes… now go meditate about it for 20 years.”