A man had reached his limit. Every morning, he dragged himself out of bed, fought traffic, worked eight hours, and came home exhausted—while his wife stayed home all day. At least, that’s how it seemed to him.
One night, fed up and feeling unfairly burdened, he prayed:
“Lord, I go to work every day and put in a full shift while my wife stays home. I want her to understand what I deal with. Let us trade places.”
God, apparently in a teaching mood, agreed.
The next morning, the man woke up as a woman.
Immediately, he got out of bed and went to work. Breakfast didn’t make itself. The kids didn’t wake themselves. Clothes weren’t magically clean and folded. He cooked, woke the kids, dressed them, fed them, packed lunches, and drove them to school. On the way back, he picked up dry cleaning, went to the bank, paid bills, ran errands, and grocery shopped.
Back home, he unloaded groceries, cleaned the litter box, bathed the dog, and realized it was already past noon. Beds still needed making. Laundry needed washing, drying, and folding. Floors needed vacuuming and mopping. Dust didn’t remove itself. By the time he finished, it was time to pick up the kids.
That trip ended in an argument. Back home, he served snacks, supervised homework, and while the kids worked, he ironed clothes in front of the TV. Dinner prep began early: peeling potatoes, washing greens, breading meat, snapping beans. After dinner came dishes, laundry, baths, and bedtime routines.
By nine o’clock, he collapsed into bed, utterly exhausted—only to realize he was still expected to be enthusiastic about intimacy. Somehow, he managed.
The next morning, he dropped to his knees:
“Lord, I was wrong. I was arrogant. Please, let us switch back.”
God answered calmly:
“I’m happy you’ve learned your lesson. You can switch back.”
Then came the pause.
“In nine months. You got pregnant last night.”
Elsewhere: Two friends were walking down the street, one with a Doberman, the other with a Chihuahua. They wanted to eat at a restaurant, but pets weren’t allowed.
“Just follow my lead,” said the man with the Doberman. He put on dark sunglasses and approached the door. The bouncer stopped him.
“No pets allowed.”
“This is my seeing-eye dog,” the man said.
The bouncer looked skeptical. “A Doberman?”
“They use them now. Very protective.”
The bouncer waved him in.
The second man tried the same tactic.
“No pets,” said the bouncer.
“This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer stared. “A Chihuahua?”
The man froze, looked down, and said, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
At a convenience store, a customer left his phone behind. The clerk picked it up, found the contact “Mom,” and called.
“Oh, don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll handle it.”
Minutes later, the phone rang. It was Mom:
“Martin, you left your phone at the store.”
A man sat at a bar, ordering vodka and coke after vodka and coke. The bartender noticed him slowing down.
“Everything alright?”
“Big fight with my wife. She says she won’t talk to me for a month. I’m sleeping on the couch.”
“Best thing is to stop drinking, go home, and make peace.”
“You don’t get it. This is the last night.”
At a gas station, a blonde opened her hood and checked the oil. After staring at the dipstick, she asked the attendant:
“Can I buy a longer dipstick?”
“Why?”
“This one isn’t long enough to reach the oil.”
Two blondes were flying from Cleveland to Miami. Fifteen minutes in, the captain announced one engine had failed—flight extended by an hour. No problem, three engines left.
Later, another engine failed—two more hours. Still fine.
Then another engine failed—three more hours. One engine left.
One blonde turned to the other:
“If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day.”
A man addicted to smoking and drinking: his wife warned him, “Keep this up, your intestines will fall out.”
One morning while he slept, she bought intestines from a butcher and stuffed them into his underwear. He woke screaming, silent for half an hour. Eventually, he came downstairs, pale and sweating:
“You were right. My intestines fell out. But don’t worry—I pushed them back in.”
Michael’s wife refused to accept aging and bought expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look younger. After applying them, she asked:
“Honestly, if you didn’t know me, how old would you say I am?”
Michael looked closely:
“Skin, twenty. Hair, eighteen. Figure, twenty-five.”
She beamed.
He raised a finger: “Hold on. I haven’t added them up yet.”
Michael was never seen again.
An angry father stormed into a principal’s office:
“Why did my son get a zero on his English exam?”
The teacher explained: “He handed in a blank paper.”
“That’s no excuse,” snapped the father. “You could’ve given him an A for neatness.”
After their first child, Tom and Sarah went to a lawyer to write a will. The lawyer asked about life support.
Tom said, “I don’t want my life regulated by machines. I don’t want nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took it seriously. At home, she unplugged the TV and poured out his beer.
During Christmas shopping, a woman lost her purse. A little boy returned it. She looked inside:
“That’s strange. I had one twenty-dollar bill. Now I have twenty one-dollar bills.”
The boy shrugged: “Last time I found a purse, the lady couldn’t give a reward.”
Finally, a man started his first day as a trainee at a big company. Feeling bold, he picked up the phone and barked, “Get me a coffee. Now.”
Wrong extension.
A voice snapped: “Do you know who you’re talking to, idiot?”
“No.”
“This is the CEO.”
The trainee paused: “And do you know who you’re talking to?”
“No.”
“Good.” He hung up—and somehow kept the job.