Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some help going door-to-door selling Bibles, so he quickly hired two of the boys without hesitation. The third boy, however, had a speech impediment, which made the preacher a little unsure. Despite his doubts, he decided to give the boy a chance and hired him as well.
After a few days of selling, all three boys met back at the church to report their progress. The preacher looked first at the boy who had been hired without hesitation and asked, “How many Bibles did you sell?”
The boy straightened up and proudly replied, “Thirty-five.”
“Is that all?” the preacher asked, slightly disappointed.
He then turned to the second boy and asked the same question. The second boy said, “Seventy-five.”
“That’s much better,” the preacher said, nodding with approval.
Finally, he hesitated before looking at the third boy, the one with the speech impediment, unsure if he even wanted to ask. But he did.
The boy stuttered slightly, but his answer was clear: “I-I-I s-s-sold one hundred and seventy-five.”
The preacher’s eyes widened in amazement. “How did you manage to sell so many?” he asked.
The boy replied shyly, “I-I-I t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-t-them or I w-w-will r-r-read it to t-t-t-them.”
Later, an elderly woman returned home one evening after church services and was startled to find an intruder inside her house. The man was in the middle of taking her valuables when she shouted at him, “Stop! Acts 2:38!”—a scripture that says to repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.
The burglar froze immediately, breathing heavily, unsure of what to do next. Calmly, the woman called the police and explained what had happened.
When the officer arrived and cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.”
The burglar looked confused. “Scripture?” he said. “She said she had an ax and two thirty-eights!”
There was a Christian woman who traveled frequently for her business, and because she flew so often, she often felt nervous on planes. To calm herself, she always brought her Bible along to read.
One time, she was sitting next to a man on a flight. He noticed her Bible and chuckled lightly before going back to his own reading.
After a while, he asked her, “You don’t really believe all that stuff in there, do you?”
She smiled and said, “Of course I do. It’s the Bible.”
He continued, “Well, what about that guy who got swallowed by a whale?”
“Oh, Jonah,” she replied. “Yes, I believe that. It’s in the Bible.”
“Okay, but how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?” the man asked skeptically.
She answered calmly, “I don’t really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I’ll ask him myself.”
The man smirked. “And what if he’s not in heaven?”
She looked at him firmly and said, “Then you can ask him.”